4XI vs Compton and Chandlers Ford

22 Jun 2023

Match report - OGCC 4XI

*pre match report warning - yes this is a very long match report. But yes it is completely worth it and you have to read the whole thing because it is one of the funniest games of cricket I have played in my life. There’s not much actual cricket in this report I promise, just the scenes and mischief from a really fun day*

Compton and Chandlers Ford CC 4XI 8/164 (Downham 2/15 birch 2/38) def by OGCC 4XI 1/165 (Stenning 88* Brown 44*)

The fortress awaited us. Captain Paul had been focused preparing the wicket for the weekend after a big score on it the week before. We were an odd mix. A bit like the cirus. Paul Downhams band of misfits. A mighty crew. The horses were back and the tunes were pumping. Drew was being the gansta that he is and pumping his rave tunes, thinking his tunes were top tier but that was only until I decided to put my playlist on featuring the best of little mix, mamma mia and hairspray (i miss sharing a change rooms with Becky cause at least she would sing along on a Saturday). Paul he clearly been taking lessons from Becky and lost the toss meaning he “Doesn’t have a point of view, Knows not where he’s going to (except at a cricket game) Isn’t he a bit like you and me?” And we were sent into field. As we were doing our “warm up” (bit of a stretch of the term) we watched Lars and crew put up a gazebo. It took a lot of people but provided a good patch of shade. Mitch couldn’t help with the gazebo or the warm up as he was desperately looking for his phone, only to find it had been in his pocket the whole time. Drew’s expert advice was no need to put the rope down, it won’t blow away. Will that be true?

Out into the field we went, with Pauly D and Joe VDF taking the new ball and Greg behind the stumps. Both bowling gas in great areas with pressure from the start. Joe took the first wicket, with the ball going to Drew. Chat was loud, with Drew and Matt both trying to echo my words of encouragement but not quite getting the pitch or the volume spot on. Mitch and Joe decided to invent a new tactic called 4D cricket. A complex game cricket is and 4D cricket is all about the mind games, from my understanding. The other team never knows what’s coming. We drop a catch, they hit it in the air again thinking it’s safe but then we take a screamer. Surprises around every corner and that’s the magic of 4D cricket. It’s confusing but thought out and very strategical. Greg dropped one but then caught two screamers off Paul’s bowling. The magic of 4D cricket at work again. Paul really did believe he was in the circus for a while, with some beautiful pirouettes when fielding. The vibes were good and the tunes were blasting, with myself and Mitch (if you don’t know who Mitch is he’s Paul downhams look alike) singing to hairspray (you can’t stop the beat more specifically) and dancing along. Matt wants it to be called natify as different songs were requested and sung along to during the game, with some great dance moves whipped out as well. Drew came onto bowl after Joe, with Pauly D mountaining through at the other end and bowling through his overs in the heat. Drew took his first wicket being bowled and the second a caught and bowled. It was hit straight back at him, with drew clearly forgetting he was playing cricket not volley ball and hitting the ball up in the air before remembering to catch it. His flamboyant bow to the frogbox got everyone thinking that, poor drew “All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise.” The fields at long Sutton had grown quite a bit, so every now and then we turned into wilderness explorers and tried to find the ball. Paul was lying on the ground resting his cricket brain and at one point nearly caused an earthquake with the fart that came out of his bum after spreading had helped him stretch out a bit. The gazebo started to fall down and blow away once the wind picked up. RIP gazebo - a gazebo that took hours and dozens of people to set up only to fall down too soon that no one had sat underneath it. We had the other team 5/20 off 15ish overs and were in a very good position. Lars came onto bowl with Drew still going from the other end, with a ball that was hit right to drew at 45 gave Lars his first wicket. Stenners was fielding really well at gully. He was even diving around to stop everything. His first dive shocked his watch. It told him, “it looks like you have had a fall. Press here to call the emergency services.” It was not him falling over, it was him having a fall that his watch thought needed a full medical alert for. This happened a couple more times before his watched realised the falls were actually purposeful rather than life threatening. Drew decided to mix up his funky music and “take a sad song and make it better” and started remixing baby shark. His new versions consisted of Od-I-ham do do do do do do and down-hams Os do so do do do do. It was really catchy and got stuck in everyone’s heads. Greg Pickett continued his 4D cricket action with a caught behind off lars, who bowled an extra loopy one down the leg side that the batter played at 2 years early and edged it behind with the other team 7/69.

The next two batters seemed much more experienced at this point than the ones above them. As soon as the other team started hitting the ball, the field was cleverly pushed out. The young legs were obviously the ones sent out, with Joe, Mitch and myself all marking our territory on the boundary for the rest of the game. The Sheffield had hurt himself early on, but being the super hero he is still bowled some very tidey over in the middle, not taking any wickets but throwing himself around. Sheffers still managed to throw himself around in the field and is probably still a bit battered and bruised from his flying antics. Spreadie decided he wanted to mix it up when throwing the ball back to the bowler, and threw the ball directly into stenners face. It was quite unusual and no one knew why so “when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree there will be an anwser let it be,” just as stenners let the ball hit his face. Pauly D chucked the overseas the ball. It took an over but eventually I got the breakthrough and bowled their keeper for 48. Mitch seemed to be one of the only people to touch the boundary in the last couple overs. He fielded like a super hero, diving around everywhere. The whole team was thinking, wow Mitch “There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung /Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game, “ showing us that ,”It's easy All you need is love.” Joe came back on to bowl the final overs and just to confuse the scorers Matt started bowling at one end with Nat still at the other. The other team ended up at 8/164. Not quite the total we expected after they were 5/20 but still a great effort.

Teas were amazing as per normal, with the away team tucking in early but luckily leaving some of the good sandwiches and cakes for us. Thanks to David Horne, Lars and Dave riches for making the teas on Friday night like the absolute hero’s that they are.

Matt and Nat opened the batting (a nice rhyme but not quite nat squared). With a couple balls put away early we started well. I got a bit bored when the bowling became so slow it was nearly bowled backwards and got the most plum lbw ever. Stenners and Matt then batted it out beautifully. Stenners the aggressor and Matt the anchor. Spreadie was umpiring and spent half the time on his phone. Who knows what he was doing on there but he missed a no ball and signaled a 4 instead of a 6 (which stenners gladly reminded him of). Spreadie was living in his own world thinking “living is easy with eyes closed misunderstanding all you see.” Stenners batted down well we were constantly searching for the ball in the bushes to earn out wilderness explorer badges. The ball got the leather hit off it and I’m sure the other team were wishing it was yesterday because, “ Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away Now it looks as though they’re here to stay Oh, I believe in yesterday.” With 13 fours and 3 sixes, stenners got the job done with Matt being very solid and patient at the other end. We had a party to get back for as we clearly have our priorities in order, knocking the total off in 32 overs. Mitch and Greg both suffered nearly terminal cases of pad rash throughout the innings. Batting at 4 and 5 they were either very prepared or had no faith in the top 3. The anwser to that we will never know.

A great game of cricket and a confident win by Paul downhams mismatched team of hero’s ending with partying the night away. Plus, a very entertaining game leads to a very entertaining match report (that consists of about 15% cricket 85% laughs). Onto next week!!